"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."

"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"

"You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time."

"They say the sun never sets over the British Empire, but it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded."

"I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!"

"A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise."

"A lady is a woman who makes it easy for a man to be a gentleman."

"Speak clearly, if you speak at all; carve every word before you let it fall."

"I don't know a better preparation for life than a love of poetry and a good digestion."

"Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it."

"Children have more need of models than of critics."